{"id":1834,"date":"2014-02-28T16:13:02","date_gmt":"2014-02-28T14:13:02","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/liberty.ua?p=1834"},"modified":"2018-03-01T09:35:34","modified_gmt":"2018-03-01T07:35:34","slug":"trudovye-budny","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/liberty.ua\/en\/library\/funny\/trudovye-budny\/","title":{"rendered":"Working days :)"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/p>\n

A survey at the company:\u00a0<\/b>\"How much is 2x2?\"
\nDepartment of the automated control system: 4
\nAccounting: depends on the currency.
\nSecretaries: do not offer intimacy.
\nStatistics department: on average 4.
\nLawyers: 3 to 5.
\nPR department: given the sharp increase in sales over the past year...
\nMarketing department: we find it difficult to answer, we need to clarify...
\nDelivery service: 54 (25 to us, 25 to you, 4 to the cash desk).<\/p>\n

\n

A young manager died.<\/b>\u00a0He has an audience with God and asks him a question:
\n- God, why did you call me so soon? I have so much to do! I have my whole life ahead of me! I am only 35 years old!
\nAnd God answers:
\n- The celestial office has looked at your time sheets. According to them, you are already 98 years old!<\/p>\n

\n

Consulting agency<\/b>\u00a0opened an office in a village. A peasant comes to them and says:
\n- What should I do, my chickens are dying?
\n- Do you feed them?
\n- Yes. Wheat.
\n- And you salt the wheat.
\nA week later he comes back again:
\n- I salted the wheat, but it still dies.
\n- Do you water them?
\n- Yes. Water.
\n- And you sweeten the water.
\nThe peasant comes to them for the third time:
\n- I used to salt the wheat and sweeten the water, but the chickens all died.
\n- Is that all? Too bad... We still have a lot more tips for you.<\/p>\n

\n

Once upon a time, there were mice who worked together<\/b>\u00a0and everyone was insulting them. So they decided to go to the owl manager for advice.
\n- Wise owl, help me with some advice. Everyone offends us, cats and owls. What should we do?
\nThe owl thought and spoke:
\n- And you will be hedgehogs. Hedgehogs have needles and no one hurts them.
\nThe mice were happy and ran to their workplaces. But on the way, one mouse said:
\n- How do we become hedgehogs?
\nand everyone ran back to ask the owl manager this question.
\nWhen they came running, they asked:
\n- Wise owl, how will we become hedgehogs?
\nAnd the owl answered:
\n- Guys, you're not bothering me with nonsense. I'm in the business of strategy.<\/p>\n

\n
\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

\n

Beautiful office<\/strong>\u00a0of a successful company.
\nA trained and skilled sales manager meets the customer at the doorstep.
\nWith a big smile: HELLO!!!
\nLook, we have this, we have that, and we have this!
\nThe client is confused: You know, I forgot my money.
\nThe manager, losing interest in him, sullenly says goodbye!
\nThe client thinks about it: Can I pay you by bank transfer?
\nManager: Hello again!!!<\/p>\n

\n

An offended customer comes in<\/strong>\u00a0and a conversation like this follows:
\nCustomer: you sold me a defective disc
\nManager: Why did you decide that?
\nBuyer: it doesn't fit in the disc drive!!!
\nManager: How can it not?
\nBuyer: I'm trying to put it in this way, both sideways and upside down, but it still doesn't fit...
\nManager: Is there anything written on the floppy disk?
\nBuyer: it is written
\nManager: So what?
\nBuyer: it says spare parts 250 megabytes
\nManager: \ud83d\ude42 what kind of drive do you have?
\nBuyer: \ud83d\ude41 the most ordinary!!!<\/p>\n<\/div>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\u041e\u043f\u0440\u043e\u0441 \u043d\u0430 \u0444\u0438\u0440\u043c\u0435:\u00a0“\u0421\u043a\u043e\u043b\u044c\u043a\u043e \u0431\u0443\u0434\u0435\u0442 2\u04452?” \u041e\u0442\u0434\u0435\u043b \u0410\u0421\u0423: 4 \u0411\u0443\u0445\u0433\u0430\u043b\u0442\u0435\u0440\u0438\u044f: \u0437\u0430\u0432\u0438\u0441\u0438\u0442 \u043e\u0442 \u0432\u0430\u043b\u044e\u0442\u044b. \u0421\u0435\u043a\u0440\u0435\u0442\u0430\u0440\u0448\u0438: \u0438\u043d\u0442\u0438\u043c \u043d\u0435 \u043f\u0440\u0435\u0434\u043b\u0430\u0433\u0430\u0442\u044c. \u041e\u0442\u0434\u0435\u043b \u0441\u0442\u0430\u0442\u0438\u0441\u0442\u0438\u043a\u0438: \u0432 \u0441\u0440\u0435\u0434\u043d\u0435\u043c…<\/p>","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":1836,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","_seopress_robots_follow":"","_seopress_robots_imageindex":"","_seopress_robots_snippet":"","_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_robots_breadcrumbs":"","_seopress_robots_freeze_modified_date":"","_seopress_robots_custom_modified_date":"","_seopress_robots_canonical":"","_seopress_social_fb_title":"","_seopress_social_fb_desc":"","_seopress_social_fb_img":"","_seopress_social_fb_img_attachment_id":0,"_seopress_social_fb_img_width":0,"_seopress_social_fb_img_height":0,"_seopress_social_twitter_title":"","_seopress_social_twitter_desc":"","_seopress_social_twitter_img":"","_seopress_social_twitter_img_attachment_id":0,"_seopress_social_twitter_img_width":0,"_seopress_social_twitter_img_height":0,"_seopress_redirections_value":"","_seopress_redirections_enabled":"","_seopress_redirections_enabled_regex":"","_seopress_redirections_logged_status":"","_seopress_redirections_param":"","_seopress_redirections_type":0,"_seopress_analysis_target_kw":"","inline_featured_image":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[24],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1834","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-funny"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/liberty.ua\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1834","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/liberty.ua\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/liberty.ua\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/liberty.ua\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/liberty.ua\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1834"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"https:\/\/liberty.ua\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1834\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1842,"href":"https:\/\/liberty.ua\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1834\/revisions\/1842"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/liberty.ua\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/1836"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/liberty.ua\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1834"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/liberty.ua\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1834"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/liberty.ua\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1834"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}